Sister Dreary

Sister Dreary

Movie review – Alice in Wonderland (2010)

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This time around, Alice (Mia Wasikowska), now 19, falls down a rabbit hole after she runs away from a marriage proposal from Drop Dead Fred and returns to Underland… which she calls Wonderland. There, Alice learns that the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) has usurped the throne of her sister, the White Queen (Anne Hathaway), by stealing her crown and has conquered Underland. She also learns that she, or another girl named Alice because she may be the wrong Alice, has been brought there to help get the White Queen her crown back by doing battle with the Red Queen's champion, the Jabberwocky (voiced by Christopher Lee). Whilst in Underland, Alice meets… more like reintroduced to… the likes of Tweedledee and Tweedledum (both portrayed by Matt Lucas), the Cheshire Cat (voiced by Stephen Fry), Absolem the Caterpillar (voiced by Alan Rickman) and, of course, the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp); all of whom are trying to convince her that she is, in fact, the correct Alice. So, with the help of her friends, Alice sets off to do battle with the Red Queen, the Knave of Hearts (Crispin Glover) and the dreaded Jabberwocky.

The cast, sporting a bunch of Burton's regulars (Depp, Bonham Carter, Michael Gough, Rickman and Christopher Lee), is a major disappointment. Depp as the Mad Hatter, who looks like Elijah Wood fucked Bozo the Clown, is all over the place with his performance. In some instances, Depp gives an over the top performance… which is understandable because the Mad Hatter is supposed to be a crazy person… but then there are other moments in the film when Depp drops the crazy demeanor and develops a serious tone. The Hatter's serious persona feels like it's out of character and seems like it was added just to give Depp something more to do in the film than show up for a bit part and act crazy. Also, when the Hatter adopts this persona, for some reason, Depp's accent appears to change. Why it changes, I will never know… it's just very odd. Bonham Carter, who is only in the movie because Burton fears he will never get laid again… much like Rob Zombie with his wife…, only serves to annoy the viewers and spout out the line "Off with her head!!" repeatedly. Anne Hathaway as the White Queen (a role where she looks eerily like Burton's ex, Lisa Marie) delivers a fairly perplexing performance to say the least. She spends a majority of the movie moving around, most notably her arms and hands, in a graceful manner while her lines are delivered in a "I'm too good for you, but I'm also that ditzy blond that will fall for anything" kind of way. And then we have the film's supposed star, Mia Wasikowska. To put it bluntly, Wasikowska's performance is bland and devoid of any human emotion. Her line delivery is very monotonic and makes the movie feel like we are supposed to be cheering for a 19 year old Ben Stein with tits. To add to the blandness, a majority of those hired to do the voice acting work sound like they were there to recite some lines and collect a paycheck. When you think about it, it's pretty sad because they got some fairly prominent stars to work on this movie and only a few, namely Crispin Glover in the live action department and Christopher Lee, Barbara Windsor, Paul Whitehouse and Michael Sheen in the voice acting department, actually cared enough to show up and do their jobs.

The pacing for this film is horrendous. The movie is bookended by shit that you could care less about and takes forever to get through. The first part alone drags to the point that you get excited once she falls down the rabbit hole… only to be let down by the fact that this is a very Lord of the Rings-esque movie chockfull of moments where Alice grows big, shrinks, grows big again, shrinks again, grows big yet again and then finally becoming normal sized… that's about it.

And then there is the matter of the special effects. The special effects, which were a combination of live action and animation, are a hit or a miss… sadly, most of the time they fall into the latter category. The film has a few moments when the effects look nice, but, for the most part, the effects are dreary and very cartoony looking.

Alice in Wonderland's biggest flaw lies within Tim Burton himself. Burton has been doing the same shtick for so long that his career has gotten to the point that one doesn't even have to see his movie to know what's going to happen. But the worst part of this is that Burton doesn't give a shit. As long as studios are willing to pay him to make the same movie over and over again, he will continue to do so and laugh his ass off all the way to the bank. Long gone are the days when Tim Burton cared about movies and here to stay are the days of him regurgitating the same shit continuously because that's what many members of today's society want.

Tim Burton's take on Alice in Wonderland, much like a majority of the films Burton has his name slapped on to, is mixed bag. Sadly, many will continue flocking to the theaters to see his movies because they are afraid of change, but, personally, until the day comes when Burton decides to give us something different, he will be stuck in the realm of mediocrity for the rest of his career.

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What could cause a sore throat?

It was bitterly cold in the previous state I was in, but I moved to a warmer location. It's been kind of dreary here, so I've been staying indoors. My sister tends to smoke, and before I got the sore throat I stood next to her when she was smoking a cigarette, although I don't think that could have caused anything. I'm in a lot of pain, but I can't take any pills because this really isn't my house. Any ideas to relieve the pain? I can barely swallow.

Hydrate your whole body quickly. Usually, a dry cough signifies that the mucus in your lungs and throat is dry. Drink a hot cup of tea every hour. To be daring, add a little sweetener and a few drops of Tabasco hot sauce. It will help increase your circulation. Keep the sugar to a minimum.

2
Take a vitamin C tablet every 4 hours and a cod liver oil capsule every 8 hours to help your body fight the virusor bacteria that may be causing your cough. Help your immune system by eating bright colorful fruits and vegetables,like lemons and/or carrots, at every meal. If your throat is too sore, try vegetable soup.

3
Stop talking and rest your voice as much as possible. You want to keep your throat from getting any more sore by keeping the cough calm. Sleep will do wonders for helping you recover faster.

4
Cough into a pillow to give your stomach muscles a little resistance when you cough. It should help coughs to be a little more productive, as well as keeping you from spreading germs everywhere

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